I'll be honest and tell you I am not religious. I do not know what I believe. karma is probably the closest thing to explain my spiritual logic. but to sum it up, my father's quote: "I feel closest to God when I'm hiking."
alone in the forest, he says. when the trees are covering the sky and you feel so small.
or in my case, sprinting through the woods, down the forest hills, feeling excited and nervous as I gain momentum and my feet could slip at any moment and there's fresh air engulfing me and --
that is my spirit.
and when I think about my spirit, I pause, and I think about the world around me.
I'm not sure how to begin this. I wrote a few sentences, all something along the lines of "a break from my busy life was necessary," but none of them seemed to capture what I'm feeling right now.
understanding?
this weekend brought understanding.
a break from the city, from reading articles off of my laptop, from straining my eyes over syllabi and emails.
there's something about the quiet in the forest. I fell asleep in front of a fireplace, seeing the little light of the flames jump outside my eyelids. and it was silent. I woke slowly, the sound of geese and running water outside the window. natural light flooding the room.
being outside, I smiled.
and at first, it was hard - but then, then I felt like olivia again. olivia that turns everything into a song. olivia that meets new people and acts ridiculous but always smiles. that goofy olivia, the original olivia. the one that attempts to match excitement and curiosity with that of the children. the one that starts talking again, speaking when she needs to speak, laughing when she needs to laugh. playing soccer barefoot - dear lord, I hadn't done that in a long time. the sun came out, and I ran barefoot through the forest. through the mud and then the sand and then to the field. and it felt better.
and so I start this week with a deeper understanding of me. of the open air life I crave so desperately.
(and here is the song that we played while cleaning at camp, my theme song of the weekend. it will possibly forever remind me of these last two days of self reflection)
at the beginning of the year,c and emily played a wonderful song late at night in our living room. I sat with my body curled up on the yellow chair, secretly filming them and secretly wanting them to never stop playing. listening to a guitar being played late at night is something that I will always want.
and so this week I finally realized what that song was, hotel song, by regina spektor. and although it is not acoustic guitar like the first version I heard in my apartment, it is still wonderful.
here is the secret video of my roommates, and I apologize for the terrible cell phone quality. but it still holds something beautiful to me.
A few weeks ago, mamá & I went to a beautiful Indigo Girl's concert. Beautiful Avery bought me tickets to the concert for Christmas and it was the most wonderful gift. In case you haven't listened to the Indigo Girls, check out "Closer to Fine" (we all stood and sang together), and "Galileo," which reminds me of car rides home after family events… and falling asleep in the back seat.
Chandeliers are so necessary.
The Pantages is a beautiful theater. If you're in the Pacific Northwest and ever find yourself with the option to check it out, definitely do so.
"And the best thing you've ever done for me / is to help me take my life less seriously / it's only life, after all."
Two Autumns ago, wandering around Youtube, I fell into Dia Frampton's beautiful voice. I'm in love with all piano music, and Dia's voice pairs perfectly with its beauty.
I first fell for her cover of The Cave, seen here. And then her Skinny Love cover, to which I drove home every day.
And now it's Autumn again, and I'm falling for her voice once more.
I've spent all week listening to her. In the morning when I wake up slowly. As I'm washing dishes. On a bench in the park. While I'm drawing flowers. Thank you to Kyle for introducing me to her charm.
The temperature reached over 60 degrees today. Put a skirt on, add pearls, and finish with "Beach Coral" Clinique lipstick. That's what the weather told me. Alright. I've sat in the grass in the sun, and now it's night and the temperature has dropped. But the warmth is still clinging to my skin. And I'm celebrating with The Head and the Heart.
