on the importance of face time

Wednesday, June 4, 2014

I said to her,

"your class has made me
one," I held out my index finger, "consider the possibility of getting a tattoo,"
she laughed.
"and two, challenge how I view the world."

if I had said that in a written evaluation, it would have been different.
she would've seen my handwriting, the scribble in a pencil that I stole from the person next to me.
hearing it from my voice, possibly reaching the point of breaking, was far more powerful.

and that is what I write about today. the importance of looking at someone, face-to-face, staring that someone in the eyes.

being able to reach out and give them a hug, or trace the veins on the top of their hands.

we have this thing called "FaceTime." as a mac user, I appreciate its convenience, its simplicity. I can see my family, I can hear their choppy voices as my wi-fi fails.

but I can't reach out to them.

I can't share the dinner they eat at the coffee table in the living room.

and I realize this, as I'm on the phone with my mother, and my father says, "do you want a salmon burger?"
and I realize this, as I say, "can I share something with you that I haven't shared yet?" and I want to see that reaction.
and I realize this, as I think about busing at one in the morning, because waking up on the living room floor, wrapped in a blanket that you put over yourself, is far different than falling asleep with someone pressing their arms around you.
and I realize this,
as I avoid getting a Facebook,
as a snapchat makes me want to go to J's house and lay on her floor and drink lemonade,
as an instagram photo tells me to hike through the forest and take five deep breaths.

the importance of face time means you see them, you see them without the lens of a blurry webcam, you see them without the static from the phone line, you see them without typos.

you see them with tears blurring a face, a body, a room they sit in.
you see them with the fireplace turning your skin a dry red.
you see them with the toothpaste on the edge of lips, as heads are placed onto pillows and shiny greens and browns and blues are hidden under eyelids.
you see them with a softer, dying voice, as the time of night disappears and doesn't matter anymore.

you see them.


  1. I just randomly found your blog, and I really love if! I also really love this post you have a great writing style!

    1. thank you so very much, Kira! that's a wonderful thing to say!