it's september.
I write this at six or so in the morning, wet braided hair from my shower last night, cold toes from pulling my socks off towards the time of sleep.
I took some time last week to search for inspirational pictures and print them out. all to realize -whoops - I haven't got a printer in norway.
and so I'll describe them, to you now, best that I can.
beginning with,
shades of white.
off-white. side-of-a-cabin-covered-in-dirt white. soft white sheets and kind-of-soft white towels. white pillows that my head sinks into.
but especially that fuzzy, off-white wall that appears in photos, as a backdrop to a story.
and onto a black and white photo.
defining contrasts in one frame. simple.
to, a wildflower tattoo on my shoulder.
perhaps a sprig of lavender to begin with, on my upper arm.
then to add, mountains I've climbed,
trees I've stood under,
natural moments that have made me pause.
back in january, I'll start.
and forward to night-time skies.
beginning with a photo of a constellation tattoo on a back
and finishing with descriptions of the northern lights.
finally, to finish up with a quote,
"suffering occurs when we want people to love us in the way we imagine we want to be loved, and not in the way that love should manifest itself- free and untrammeled, guiding us with its force and driving us on."
I read that in the graveyard, and willed myself to cry softly.
this is what I felt, a small suffering for all the people I missed at home, imagining all the ways that they would love me, instead of having love be felt naturally.
and with that small exercise
I move into september
we move into september
overcoming the weak
becoming
strong.
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